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Posts Tagged ‘outside issues’

Is it Okay for Non Alcoholics to Sponsor Alcoholics?

11 Nov

NO it’s not okay — not in Alcoholics Anonymous or in any other 12-Step organization as a NON addict or compulsive whatever.

What is it about “one alcoholic working with another alcoholic—free of charge” that is so difficult to understand? Yet there are thousands of non-alcoholics working as alcohol counselors attempting to help their clients through the 12 steps. There are also thousands of alcoholic-addicts working (i.e. NOT offering the steps free of charge but from a position of authority) that think they are helping their clients to better “understand” the 12 Steps from an outside, psychologically-based interpretation.
Although, any non-alcoholic/addict/compulsive person may MENTOR someone in areas other than the 12 Steps. It is healthy for everyone in recovery to have outside mentors and support for help in improving behaviors, thinking patterns, and various life skills to become job-ready and community ready, etc. Absolutely. I recommend this to everyone I work with.

But ANY non-AA members who think it’s okay to “sponsor” an alcoholic with the 12 steps should read “AA as a Resource for the Health Care Professional”—LINK P.6—“As stated in the A.A. Preamble: A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution…”
P. 7—“Many health care professional have found effective ways to refer people to A.A.”
It clearly says, REFER PEOPLE TO A.A. … “This health care professional finds it helpful to have a list of A.A. contacts available to take people to their first meeting.” They also suggest that the professional attend a few open meetings to get a basic understanding to help in the referral process. They also suggest inquiries “whether the client has obtained an A.A. sponsor…who helps the client work a program of recovery.” BTW, an A.A. sponsor is a 12-step sponsor—the one who helps a newcomer to take the steps the A.A. (Big Book) way.
P. 10—“We invite health care professionals to visit an open meeting and see what A.A. offers the alcoholic.”

Another important pamphlet is titled, “Questions and Answers about Sponsorship” –LINK
There is a little paragraph on page 9 that asks, “How should a sponsor be chosen?” Clearly they recommend asking an A.A. member who is successfully using the program in their life. They do NOT suggest that a newcomer finds a sponsor who is a nonalcoholic—who therefore has no personal experience using the 12 steps for an alcoholic problem.
Page 11 has a portion asking about a newcomer receiving ‘indoctrination’ by an outside agency and that learning about alcoholism in an institutional setting is not enough for living a new, sober life in a drinking world.

Chapter Seven in the basic text is titled, “WORKING WITH OTHERS.”
This chapter is all about one alcoholic carrying the message to another alcoholic. “You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. …because of your own drinking experience you can be uniquely useful to other alcoholics.” They didn’t mean a therapist’s occasional binges while they were in college—they meant the experience of a full-fledged, real, chronic, hopeless alcoholic who tried everything else and ONLY with the spiritual solution of the steps were they able to recover. THAT’S THE MESSAGE.

An A.A. sponsor does not provide any services such as those offered by a social worker, a doctor, a nurse, or a marriage counselor. A sponsor is simply a sober alcoholic who helps the newcomer solve one problem: how to stay sober. It is not professional training that enables a sponsor to give help—it is just personal experience and observation.
And A.A. meetings are not about “substance abuse recovery” or “chemical dependency;” their purpose is to teach and practice the 12 steps—THAT is the sole purpose of an A.A. group. Outside group therapy sessions, drug and alcohol counseling are outside issues.
LINK to the blog page that discusses Primary Purpose, Sole Purpose, and Singleness of Purpose.

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ETC, a recovered alcoholic in Oregon—relieved of the obsessions but not cured of the allergy.

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Posted in 'sponsor', Carry THE Message, non-alcoholics

Tolerance & Intolerance in A.A. Meetings

24 Jul

TOLERANCE: a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one’s own.
INTOLERABLE: unacceptable; beyond bearing; a bit much, enough already, insufferable, insupportable, last straw, offensive, painful, unbearable, undesirable, unendurable

There are members in the fellowship who believe that tolerance in A.A. is about allowing bad behavior—in meetings and in social activities. They suggest that all groups (meetings) must allow people (especially un-recovered beginners) to talk about any-old thing they want to. Our textbook tells us to work ONE-TO-ONE with another alcoholic—outside of the meetings. THAT is when and where to let them spew their guts. Or they can stay AFTER a meeting and talk with someone. In meetings we share in a general way about a problem and either ask for help or discuss how we have used the 12 steps to get through the problem. Reminding them of that in a meeting, at times, is necessary.

What does our AA textbook have to say about tolerance/intolerance? (these should all be read in context.)
Page 103 has a good paragraph about showing intolerance TOWARD ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION.
“We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experiences shows that this attitude is not helpful to anyone. Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witchburners. A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by someone who hates it.”

Pages 118-120 have instructions for those LIVING WITH A NEWCOMER.
“…you must not expect too much. His ways of thinking and doing are the habits of many years. Patience, tolerance, understanding, and love are the watchwords.” … “The slightest sign of fear or intolerance may lessen your husband’s chance of recovery.” And adds: “but if he gets drunk, don’t blame yourself.”
Page 19 discusses demonstrating the principles; as well as seeking medical, psychiatric, social, and religious help. We are to be tolerant of the shortcomings & viewpoints that people have. Religion is always a touchy subject and we should be tolerant of others’ beliefs.
Page 567 (Spiritual Experience) reminds beginners to be open-minded about spirituality and other’s religious experiences & beliefs.
Pages 84-85 discuss Step Ten—when righting our wrongs, we must be tolerant and careful about the other people and their possible refusal to accept our apologies. So we turn our thoughts to someone we can help.

Pages 160-161 discusses tolerance for the shortcomings, poor health, & mental condition brought in by the new person. –The new man had to go ‘upstairs’ and surrender with his sponsor BEFORE being brought to a meeting! The coffee & cake fellowship after the meeting was relaxed, informal, and no-one’s past was to awful. —“Many a man yet dazed from his hospital experience, has stepped over the threshold of that home into freedom. Many an alcoholic who entered there came away with an answer. …he capitulated entirely when, later, in an upper room of this house, he heard the story of some man whose experience closely tallied with his own. …The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible.” …”No one is too discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed cordially—if he means business.”

As Bill Wilson wrote to A.A. members:
“Our Twelfth Step—carrying the message—is the basic service that the A.A. Fellowship gives; this is our principal aim and the main reason for our existence. Therefore, A.A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society of alcoholics in action. We must carry the message, else we ourselves can wither and those who haven’t been given the truth may die.”

TO SUM UP:
I call this tired-old dance the “Tolerance Two-Step.”

To try to prove to critics and non-alcoholics how “unconditionally loving” we think we are: Must we put up with nonsense and bullshit spewed in meetings? Must we put up with misleading or dangerous interpretations & other “information” masquerading as A.A. recovery? Must we put up with predatory behaviors or criminal actions in the fellowship as a whole in the name of “tolerance” and/or “anonymity?”

NO, NOT by anyone who sincerely wants to help save the lives of desperate, drowning alkies. NOT by anyone who works daily on spiritual growth and is honestly willing to “do the right thing” about financial, sexual, or emotional predators who are hurting vulnerable people. Some behaviors of un-recovered alcoholics are INTOLERABLE. These are what our textbook describes as insane behaviors.

Our meetings are supposed to be the place to CARRY THE MESSAGE, NOT THE MESS. It is a place to offer ANSWERS to the beginners (p160). It is NOT the place to allow “outside opinions” that break our Traditions. We tolerate the beginners’ pasts, and cordially welcome them IF THEY MEAN BUSINESS (do they want the spiritual solution that A.A. offers?).
It is sad when tired oldtimers are too passive to speak up about the non-AA verbal diarrhea from unrecovered alcoholics and “drug addicts” in some A.A. meetings. STOP BEING AFRAID of these nuts and their opinion about YOU. Those usually are not the ones who want this life-saving program anyway.

Many group-therapy types seem to be suggesting that the book doesn’t matter, the 12 steps don’t matter, and discussion of God doesn’t matter. The rest of us wonder WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING IN AN A.A. MEETING if they are intolerant of those who have the courage to share the genuine A.A. message?
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ETC, a recovered alcoholic in Oregon—relieved of the obsession but not cured of the allergy.

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Posted in AA Meetings, Carry THE Message

4th-step Inventory, California-style

02 May

There is a “California 4th Step” that is still making its way around. It claims to be put together by “anonymous members of Alcoholics Anonymous.” This implies that it is an A.A.-based and sanctioned worksheet. They do not offer this hefty questionnaire as a generic, recovery method.

This “inventory” appears to be a non-professional therapy method—page after page of in-depth questions that no sponsor with integrity should even consider offering to anyone, especially a beginner.
AAs are encouraged to cooperates with professionals—we must NOT pretend to be therapists. If a newcomer needs psychological therapy, we must recommend that they seek OUTSIDE help. A professional would NOT toss this huge compilation of over 300 questions to a client and instruct them to be thorough in answering every question—and then to call them when they’ve finished. Delving into these things could be very risky for anyone with mental health issues—and this is very common issue for attendees in 12-step meetings.

These issues should be dealt with in a safe environment with someone who is trained to slowly lead someone through fearful issues. Therapists also agree that some issues do not need to be dissected, but rather, they guide clients into learning new “tools” to deal with life TODAY.

These writers recommend this inventory to help rid ourselves of our compulsive behaviors. That is a rehab therapy perspective, not an A.A. one. These sort of requirements may appear as “cultist” and help give A.A. a bad reputation.This formidable and troubling personal inventory even suggests that if you do not want to answer ALL the questions, then you have a ‘closed mind’ and are not ‘truly humble.’

It insists that the ‘sponsee’ must dig around in their childhood memories and analyze any problems with parents or family. There are 29 in-depth questions for you to write about. Every tiny detail of any little resentment you ever had is not too irrelevant for your 1- or 2-year sober therapist —oops, sponsor —to poke through intimate thoughts and experiences. These are NONE OF A SPONSOR’S BUSINESS.
It insists that the ‘sponsee’ must dig around in memories of adolescent years. There are 24 in-depth questions for probing into the psyche. They are told to go ahead and analyze any painful, embarrassing, humiliating, traumatic memories and events. “List in detail any homosexual experience, masturbation fantasy, or other sexual activity that you remember…” List any incidences in school that were a continuing source of shame. …Give details about losing their virginity. Describe all their feelings about every little thing, personality quirks, social inadequacies, etc. Oh and above all, don’t leave out any juicy details about your sexual thoughts, experiences, or ‘deviant’ behaviors. There is even a question about the kind of clothes you wore!
Adulthood: This portion requires you to answer 94 main questions, with some sub-questions. You must give details about relationships, sexual encounters, and fantasies. Analyze everything you did, didn’t do, your personality, your spouse’s personality, sexual frustrations, inferiority/superiority complexes, etc. Describe and analyze everything about your various jobs, bosses, and coworkers.
Finally they get to a brief “Here and Now” inventory. Here, you write down details of your finances and any dirty, illegal dealings you’ve had. …Religious beliefs, inadequacies, ambitions, emotional insecurities, etc.

After you have thoroughly answered every question, you must make an appointment with someone (it seems to be assumed that this would be your sponsor) and then “keep that appointment and verbally discuss every portion of your inventory.”

The pioneers of this life-saving program NEVER required this sort of inventory. We are NOT expected to dwell on past events if there is nothing to be learned. We are to look at “the nature” of our liabilities (problem behaviors, resentments, selfishness, and fears)–so we can learn and practice new tools for new and healthier behaviors (assets: forgiveness, unselfishness, ‘purity,’ and love).
Our “commercial inventory” is our “here and now inventory,” —a quick check of our LIABILITIES and ASSETS. This is done before the “columns” inventory. All instructions are in the textbook (thru pg. 164), specifically in “How it Works,” and “Into Action.” Find an A.A. guide who will take you through all the steps ASAP, by-the-book.
Keep in mind, the 12-step pioneers did not expect you to talk only with someone in A.A. They offered suggestions for “outside” listeners.

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ETC, a recovered alcoholic in Oregon—relieved of the obsession but not cured of the allergy.

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Posted in Inventory, It's in the Book, Step 4

PURPOSES: Primary, Singleness of, Sole

12 Nov

Tradition One (long form): “Each member of Alcoholics Anonymous is but a small part of a great whole. A.A. must continue to live or most of us will surely die. Hence our common welfare must come first. But individual welfare follows close afterward.”
We are then given eleven other Traditions that show us what we must do in order to accomplish the goal of unity that allows recovery.

PRIMARY PURPOSE

Tradition Five (long form): “Each Alcoholics Anonymous group ought to be a spiritual entity having but one primary purpose—that of carrying its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.”
From the AA Preamble (Grapevine): “Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.”

SINGLENESS OF PURPOSE

Bill Wilson, AA Comes of Age, page 232: OUR SINGLE PURPOSE:
“There are those who predict that A.A. may well become a new spearhead for a spiritual awakening throughout the world. When our friends say these things, they are both generous and sincere. But we of A.A. must reflect that such a tribute and such a prophecy could well prove to be a heady drink for most of us – that is, if we really came to believe this to be the real purpose of A.A., and if we commenced to behave accordingly. Our Society, therefore, will prudently cleave to its single purpose: the carrying of the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody.”

THE SOLE PURPOSE OF AN A.A. GROUP

Letter from Bill Wilson dated 1966 and quoted in “As Bill Sees It”, page 79
“An AA group, as such, cannot take on all the personal problems of its members, let alone those of nonalcoholics in the world around us. The AA group is not, for example, a mediator of domestic relations, nor does it furnish personal financial aid to anyone. Though a member may sometimes be helped in such matters by his friends in AA, the primary responsibility for the solutions of all his problems of living and growing rests squarely upon the individual himself. Should the AA group attempt this sort of help, its effectiveness and energies would be hopelessly dissipated. This is why sobriety—freedom from alcohol—through the teaching and practice of AA’s 12 Steps, is the sole purpose of the group. If we don’t stick to this cardinal principle, we shall almost certainly collapse. And if we collapse we cannot help anyone.”

Tradition Ten: “Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the AA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.” Long form: “No A.A. group or member should ever, in such a way as to implicate A.A., express any opinion on outside controversial issues-particularly those of politics, alcohol reform, or sectarian religion. The Alcoholics Anonymous groups oppose no one. Concerning such matters they can express no views whatever.”

Our instructions are to keep our opinions (as AA members) out of “outside issues” AND to keep “outside issues” out of our meetings.

Personal opinions as a result of critical thinking are good, but not if we try to pass them off as A.A. opinions… so it is suggested that we make clear when something is our own opinion.
Outside agencies have their own views on alcoholism AND A.A. So we avoid spreading opinions: ours, our sponsor’s, our doctor’s, our therapist’s, the judge’s (even if he is your sponsor), your 3-year clean addiction counselor, a dry-drunk oldtimer, or any other guru you hold on a pedestal, etc. AA meetings are the place to spread THE AA message—to teach and practice our Recovery Program: The 12 Steps.

From the Grapevine, May 1994: Our singleness of purpose has really been put to the test with the growth of treatment facilities which lump all addictive disorders together, with the subsequent visits of large numbers of treatment graduates to our groups, and with the mandatory sentencing of drunk driving offenders to AA meetings. Meanwhile, our own AA members aren’t always aware of our Traditions . . . A group conscience will get exactly what it demands, no more or no less. Our experience today still bears out the experience of our founders. Some groups, where the alcoholics became outnumbered and the primary purpose was lost in problems other than alcohol, have had to close their doors. . . In AA Comes of Age, we find this powerful statement: “We think we should do one thing well rather than many things to which we are not called. Our society gathers in unity around this concept. The very life of our fellowship requires its preservation. Together we have found a substantial remedy for a terrible malady. As a fellowship we know we must not be diverted. It is our experience as alcoholics that makes us of unique value on our sector of the total alcoholic front. We can approach sufferers as no one else can. Therefore, the strongest kind of moral and ethical compulsion is upon us to do this and nothing more. We shall direct our energies where they count most. Most emphatically, then, AA has but one single purpose: To carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers. This is our basic objective, our real reason for existence.” It’s our only reason for existence.
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If your group pulls in a lot of “I just need my slip signed, I’m fine & can control MY drinking—but let me teach all of you how to stay sober my D&A counselor’s way” visitors—you might consider suggesting in your group-conscious format that they are welcome to sit in and LISTEN. If you call on them and they spew their nonsense, it is accepting outside issues into your meeting and that is confusing for the newcomer who NEEDS TO HEAR THE ACTUAL A.A. MESSAGE! Remember “It’s in the book.”

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ETC, a recovered alcoholic in Oregon—relieved of the obsession but not cured of the allergy.

ETC, a recovered alcoholic in Oregon—relieved of the obsession but not cured of the allergy.

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Posted in AA Meetings, Carry THE Message, Tradition 5

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