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Posts Tagged ‘opinions’

Sponsorship Lines & Lineages in 12-Step Programs

08 Aug

The A.A. 12-Step program does not require us to Turn Our Will and Our Life Over to the Care of a SPONSOR!

There are 12-step meetings around the country where regular group-members strongly insist that the newcomer must find “a sponsor who has a sponsor who has a sponsor.”  These groups frequently consist of strong (even egotistical) personalities who require newcomers to do the steps their way because that is how their sponsor went through the steps with their sponsor.  “Grand-sponsor” is a word you will hear in these groups. They proudly trace their lineage back to Bill Wilson; some to Dr Bob Smith.
I suppose if you find one of these A.A. sponsor BLUE-BLOODS, you may have a better chance of acquiring your new ‘experience-strength-and-hope’ mantra by osmosis.  In addition, you will be able to regurgitate enough cliché phrases and opinions to pass as a possible candidate for a speaking request (even before the suggested five-year minimum).  Woo-hoo—that’s also great for better luck at getting ‘13-step’ conquests.

Sponsorship lines are not necessary.
These lineages can foster sponsor-worship, can become controlling & dysfunctional, and can cause harm to vulnerable people.  Once in, you dare not sponsor or be sponsored outside of the group—you may be ostracized.  No wonder there’s so much resentment out in the nonalcoholic world about cults and cliques.
Frequently there will be a pack of papers and extensive writing required to be done before your new sponsor will even take time to talk with you. They don’t usually sit one-to-one with the beginner to read and discuss the “clear-cut directions” found in our textbook. What happened to “Keep it Simple”? LINK to Fundamentals Blog
Where the heck did this start? There is speculation out there that perhaps this came from outside agencies—therapy groups, rehab counselors, or alcohol-class mediators.  Others believe this ‘requirement’ came from super-groups around the country, such as the Pacific Groups in California.  I’m not sure.  There has been information and rumors that these groups have very rigid lines of sponsorship and these methods are still being actively introduced in other states. There is even one in my metro area as well, and the god aristocrat man himself comes to his many new groups to expound his “wisdom”—all expenses paid, of course, by his flock.
These sponsor lines also actively recruit speakers to get on the circuit, and unless you are sponsored in, you don’t even get asked to speak at small local meetings. It is a lucrative side-business.

In AA’s sponsorship pamphlet the current, vague stance does not even insist that the chosen sponsor understand anything about the textbook or the steps… just that they “seem to be using the AA program successfully” and “should seem to be enjoying sobriety.” Heck, the newcomer may as well join a secular support group. But one thing they DON’T expect is a sponsorship hierarchy “there is no superior class or caste of sponsors in A.A.”
They do offer one limitation, “if the group is large enough to allow a choice, sponsor and newcomer be of the same sex.” (even this may not always be an appropriate limitation in today’s meetings which have many gay and lesbian members).
The pamphlet does suggest that members who would like to sponsor should probably have “actually worked the steps of A.A. as a way to obtain sobriety” –but it’s not necessary, apparently.  Although they are expected to NOT “impose personal views” on their newcomer.  The question then is—how do they avoid that when they won’t offer the program the way it was intended so alcoholics could actually recover? Everything other than that IS A PERSONAL VIEW. ..or an outside opinion!

Sponsorship began in the hospitals, especially St Thomas Hospital in Akron
Bill W and man in bedSister Ignatia told guys if they dropped off any alcoholics they were to come back upon their discharge and pick them up and (sponsor them) take them to AA meetings at Kings High School.  The sponsors (usually two at a time) would sit with the sick alcoholic and talk about the steps they took to stop drinking. They were qualified as alcoholics and taken through the surrender process (which became steps 1-3) before being brought into a meeting.  The rest of the process (which later became steps 4-12) were completed within a week or two, and then continually practiced.
Here’s a link to the 1944 sponsorship pamphlet by Clarence Snyder (Barefoot Bob’s website).
Later, beginner meetings were conducted in many areas.  In these classes, beginners studied the textbook and completed the steps with more experienced A.A. members. This was accomplished in four weeks, after which they attended regular A.A. meetings, continued practicing the steps and working with others. By 1950, there were three types of meetings: Open Speaker Meetings, Closed Discussion Meetings, and Beginners’ Meetings. Read more at the History Lovers Group.
The term ‘SPONSOR’ came from the Oxford Group—a sponsor guided a new person for early training in spiritual practice.  A sponsor is a “mentor” in definition and practice, and the word “protégé” is used in our Big Book.  The opposite of a protégé is a patron or mentor in common usage—a “sponsor.”
There are still many Beginners Meetings based on Wally P’s “Back to Basics” which offers a no-nonsense guide through the “clear-cut directions” in the AA textbook.

IF YOU ARE NEW
Big Book cover…or whole-heartedly want what the many pioneers had, find an independent sponsor/guide/mentor who knows the book and other A.A.-related literature, some A.A. history, and has a network of other independent A.A. members who just want to help save lives the way it really worked.  Sponsors and guides should start letting go of their protégés after they have a solid understanding of the principles and the steps—and encourage them to find additional support people and mentors for their continued journey.  They need to spread their wings and fly to become functioning members of society again.
Holding people hostage in a hierarchy and discouraging them from thinking for themselves is the antithesis of the A.A. way to a life of freedom and a new way of living.

“The truth will set you free–but first it will piss you off”
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ETC, a recovered alcoholic in Oregon—relieved of the obsessions but not cured of the allergy.

 
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Tolerance & Intolerance in A.A. Meetings

24 Jul

TOLERANCE: a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one’s own.
INTOLERABLE:
unacceptable; beyond bearing; a bit much, enough already, insufferable, insupportable, last straw, offensive, painful, unbearable, undesirable, unendurable

There are members in the fellowship who believe that tolerance in A.A. is about allowing bad behavior—in meetings and in social activities. They suggest that all groups (meetings) must allow people (especially un-recovered beginners) to talk about any-old thing they want to.  Our textbook tells us to work ONE-TO-ONE with another alcoholic—outside of the meetings. THAT is when and where to let them spew their guts. Or they can stay AFTER a meeting and talk with someone.  In meetings we share in a general way about a problem and either ask for help or discuss how we have used the 12 steps to get through the problem. Reminding them of that in a meeting, at times, is necessary.

Big Book cover
What does our AA textbook have to say about tolerance/intolerance?
(these should all be read in context.)
Page 103
has a good paragraph about showing intolerance TOWARD ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION.
We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experiences shows that this attitude is not helpful to anyone. Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witchburners. A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by someone who hates it.”

Pages 118-120 have instructions for those LIVING WITH A NEWCOMER.
“…you must not expect too much. His ways of thinking and doing are the habits of many years. Patience, tolerance, understanding, and love are the watchwords.” … “The slightest sign of fear or intolerance may lessen your husband’s chance of recovery.” And adds: “but if he gets drunk, don’t blame yourself.”
Page 19 discusses demonstrating the principles; as well as seeking medical, psychiatric, social, and religious help. We are to be tolerant of the shortcomings & viewpoints that people have. Religion is always a touchy subject and we should be tolerant of others’ beliefs.
Page 567 (Spiritual Experience) reminds beginners to be open-minded about spirituality and other’s religious experiences & beliefs.
Pages 84-85 discuss Step Ten—when righting our wrongs, we must be tolerant and careful about the other people and their possible refusal to accept our apologies. So we turn our thoughts to someone we can help.

Pages 160-161 discusses tolerance for the shortcomings, poor health, & mental condition brought in by the new person. –The new man had to go ‘upstairs’ and surrender with his sponsor BEFORE being brought to a meeting! The coffee & cake fellowship after the meeting was relaxed, informal, and no-one’s past was to awful. —“Many a man yet dazed from his hospital experience, has stepped over the threshold of that home into freedom. Many an alcoholic who entered there came away with an answer. …he capitulated entirely when, later, in an upper room of this house, he heard the story of some man whose experience closely tallied with his own. …The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible.” …”No one is too discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed cordially—if he means business.”

As Bill Wilson wrote to A.A. members:
Pic of Bill Wilson“Our Twelfth Step—carrying the message—is the basic service that the A.A. Fellowship gives; this is our principal aim and the main reason for our existence. Therefore, A.A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society of alcoholics in action. We must carry the message, else we ourselves can wither and those who haven’t been given the truth may die.

TO SUM UP:
I call this tired-old dance the “Tolerance Two-Step.”

To try to prove to critics and non-alcoholics how “unconditionally loving” we think we are:  Must we put up with nonsense and bullshit spewed in meetings? Must we put up with misleading or dangerous interpretations & other “information” masquerading as A.A. recovery?  Must we put up with predatory behaviors or criminal actions in the fellowship as a whole in the name of “tolerance” and/or “anonymity?”

NO, NOT by anyone who sincerely wants to help save the lives of desperate, drowning alkies. NOT by anyone who works daily on spiritual growth and is honestly willing to “do the right thing” about financial, sexual, or emotional predators who are hurting vulnerable people.  Some behaviors of un-recovered alcoholics are INTOLERABLE. These are what our textbook describes as insane behaviors.

Pic A A meetingOur meetings are supposed to be the place to CARRY THE MESSAGE, NOT THE MESS. It is a place to offer ANSWERS to the beginners (p160).  It is NOT the place to allow “outside opinions” that break our Traditions. We tolerate the beginners’ pasts, and cordially welcome them IF THEY MEAN BUSINESS (do they want the spiritual solution that A.A. offers?).
It is sad when tired oldtimers are too passive to speak up about the non-AA verbal diarrhea from unrecovered alcoholics and “drug addicts” in some A.A. meetings.  STOP BEING AFRAID of these nuts and their opinion about YOU.  Those usually are not the ones who want this life-saving program anyway.

Many group-therapy types seem to be suggesting that the book doesn’t matter, the 12 steps don’t matter, and discussion of God doesn’t matter.  The rest of us wonder WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING IN AN A.A. MEETING if they are intolerant of those who have the courage to share the genuine A.A. message?
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ETC, a recovered alcoholic in Oregon—relieved of the obsession but not cured of the allergy.

 

PURPOSES: Primary, Singleness of, Sole

12 Nov

Tradition One (long form): “Each member of Alcoholics Anonymous is but a small part of a great whole.  A.A. must continue to live or most of us will surely die. Hence our common welfare must come first. But individual welfare follows close afterward.”
We are then given eleven other Traditions that show us what we must do in order to accomplish the goal of unity that allows recovery.

PRIMARY PURPOSE

Tradition Five (long form): “Each Alcoholics Anonymous group ought to be a spiritual entity having but one primary purpose—that of carrying its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.”
From the AA Preamble (Grapevine):
“Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.”

SINGLENESS OF PURPOSE

Bill Wilson, AA Comes of Age, page 232: OUR SINGLE PURPOSE:
Pic of Bill Wilson“There are those who predict that A.A. may well become a new spearhead for a spiritual awakening throughout the world. When our friends say these things, they are both generous and sincere. But we of A.A. must reflect that such a tribute and such a prophecy could well prove to be a heady drink for most of us – that is, if we really came to believe this to be the real purpose of A.A., and if we commenced to behave accordingly. Our Society, therefore, will prudently cleave to its single purpose: the carrying of the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody.”

THE SOLE PURPOSE OF AN A.A. GROUP

Letter from Bill Wilson dated 1966 and quoted in “As Bill Sees It”, page 79
Pic of Bill Wilson“An AA group, as such, cannot take on all the personal problems of its members, let alone those of nonalcoholics in the world around us. The AA group is not, for example, a mediator of domestic relations, nor does it furnish personal financial aid to anyone. Though a member may sometimes be helped in such matters by his friends in AA, the primary responsibility for the solutions of all his problems of living and growing rests squarely upon the individual himself. Should the AA group attempt this sort of help, its effectiveness and energies would be hopelessly dissipated. This is why sobriety—freedom from alcohol—through the teaching and practice of AA’s 12 Steps, is the sole purpose of the group. If we don’t stick to this cardinal principle, we shall almost certainly collapse. And if we collapse we cannot help anyone.

Tradition Ten: “Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the AA name ought Big Book covernever be drawn into public controversy.”  Long form: “No A.A. group or member should ever, in such a way as to implicate A.A., express any opinion on outside controversial issues-particularly those of politics, alcohol reform, or sectarian religion. The Alcoholics Anonymous groups oppose no one. Concerning such matters they can express no views whatever.”

Our instructions are to keep our opinions (as AA members) out of “outside issues” AND to keep “outside issues” out of our meetings.

  • Personal opinions as a result of critical thinking are good, but not if we try to pass them off as A.A. opinions… so it is suggested that we make clear when something is our own opinion.
  • Outside agencies have their own views on alcoholism AND A.A. So we avoid spreading opinions: ours, our sponsor’s, our doctor’s, our therapist’s, the judge’s (even if he is your sponsor), your 3-year clean addiction counselor, a dry-drunk oldtimer, or any other guru you hold on a pedestal, etc. AA meetings are the place to spread THE AA message—to teach and practice our Recovery Program: The 12 Steps.

From the Grapevine, May 1994: Our singleness of purpose has really been put to the test with the growth of treatment facilities which lump all addictive disorders together, with the subsequent visits of large numbers of treatment graduates to our groups, and with the mandatory sentencing of drunk driving offenders to AA meetings. Meanwhile, our own AA members aren’t always aware of our Traditions . . . A group conscience will get exactly what it demands, no more or no less. Our experience today still bears out the experience of our founders. Some groups, where the alcoholics became outnumbered and the primary purpose was lost in problems other than alcohol, have had to close their doors. . . In AA Comes of Age, we find this powerful statement: “We think we should do one thing well rather than many things to which we are not called. Our society gathers in unity around this concept. The very life of our fellowship requires its preservation. Together we have found a substantial remedy for a terrible malady. As a fellowship we know we must not be diverted. It is our experience as alcoholics that makes us of unique value on our sector of the total alcoholic front. We can approach sufferers as no one else can. Therefore, the strongest kind of moral and ethical compulsion is upon us to do this and nothing more. We shall direct our energies where they count most. Most emphatically, then, AA has but one single purpose: To carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers. This is our basic objective, our real reason for existence.” It’s our only reason for existence.
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If your group pulls in a lot of “I just need my slip signed, I’m fine & can control MY drinking—but let me teach all of you how to stay sober my D&A counselor’s way” visitors—you might consider suggesting in your group-conscious format that they are welcome to sit in and LISTEN. If you call on them and they spew their nonsense, it is accepting outside issues into your meeting and that is confusing for the newcomer who NEEDS TO HEAR THE ACTUAL A.A. MESSAGE!  Remember “It’s in the book.”

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ETC, a recovered alcoholic in Oregon—relieved of the obsession but not cured of the allergy.


 

ETC, a recovered alcoholic in Oregon—relieved of the obsession but not cured of the allergy.

 

 

 

 

 

AA Group Autonomy

14 Sep

Does your home group cater to the whims of the members or of some California Guru?  …has it come under pressure to ‘do it the way such-and-such group does it’ (regardless of what the founders and pioneers suggested)? …has it become a social-hour, a.k.a. open discussion group? …is it seeking to be all-things-to-all-people? …do they not read from the AA text because it’s too old-fashioned or ‘controversial’?

Tradition Four:

With respect to its own affairs, each A.A. group should be responsible to no other authority than its own conscience. But when its plans concern the welfare of neighboring groups also, those groups ought to be consulted. And no group, regional committee, or individual should ever take any action that might greatly affect A.A. as a whole without conferring with the trustees of The Alcoholic Foundation. On such issues our common welfare is paramount.”

Bill Wilson on Tradition Four:
“With these concepts in mind, let us look more closely at Tradition 4. The first sentence of Tradition 4 guarantees each A.A. group local autonomy. With respect to its own affairs, the group may make any decisions, adopt any attitudes that it likes. No over-all or intergroup authority should challenge this primary privilege. We feel this ought to be so, even though the group might sometimes act with complete indifference to our tradition. For example, an A.A. group could, if it wished, hire a paid preacher and support him out of the proceeds of a group night club. Though such an absurd procedure would be miles outside our tradition, the group’s “right to be wrong” would be held inviolate. We are sure that each group can be granted, and safely granted, these most extreme privileges. We know that our familiar process of trial and error would summarily eliminate both the preacher and the night club. Those severe growing pains which invariably follow any radical departure from A.A. tradition can be absolutely relied upon to bring an erring group back into line. An A.A. group need not be coerced by any human government over and above its own members. Their own experience, plus A.A. opinion in surrounding groups, plus God’s prompting in their group conscience would be sufficient. Much travail has already taught us this. Hence we may confidently say to each group, “You should be responsible to no other authority than your own conscience.”

Tradition Five:

“Each Alcoholics Anonymous group ought to be a spiritual entity having but one primary purpose—that of carrying its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.”

From AnonPress.org (link http://anonpress.org/faq/files/read.asp?fID=30):
Typically people are encouraged to have one home group, not necessarily for recovery sake, but for AA “business” sake too.
Usually, your voice in AA business is through your homegroup which likely sends a representative to your district or intergroup to vote on how your group feels about broader AA business.
The idea of having your voice heard more than once through multiple home groups is quite frequently discouraged as it could lead to individuals having undue influence.
In many, more rural, places groups meet just once a week and a person ends up “joining” more than one group so they can get to more meetings. In this case people are usually encouraged to refrain from voting more than once on issues that affect more than the individual group. This helps to theoretically keep it closer to democratic principle of “one man, one vote.”

AnonPress.org link http://anonpress.org/faq/files/read.asp?fID=351:
AA groups are for helping alcoholics—those who are powerless over alcohol, whose lives have become unmanageable. AA is not interested in convincing anyone they ought to stop drinking, nor is it interested in specifically dealing with other problems. As soon as a group meeting purposely focuses on problems other than alcohol and alcoholism, it stops being an AA meeting. …Alcoholics Anonymous developed to help alcoholics; it was never intended to be the all-round solution for all of everyone’s problems.

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ETC, a recovered alcoholic in Oregon—(relieved of the obsession but not cured of the allergy)