THE PRETENDERS
Are you learning to “play nice with others”
It IS important to get along with others in our community and society as a whole. This is a pretty good goal as long as it’s authentic. But if it’s manipulative, it’s got to go.
Are you trying to be ‘nice,’ a friend to everyone, well-liked, and non-offending?
Is that really all there is to it? It’s a bit codependent to be concerned how others think of me (been there). I have to ask myself: Does it really come from the heart or am I trying to impress my friends, my P.O. or S.O., parents, or therapist? …or so I can sit in meetings and boast about how awesomely ‘non-judgemental’ I am?
This sometimes is a sign of complacency and laziness… when honesty and the pursuit of truth is secondary to saying what someone wants to hear (that’s not guidance).
Are you just faking it ‘till you make it? Faking is pretending—acting, a counterfeit. Are you still trying to control the show? Try working Steps 1-3 again. If I am not thoroughly honest with myself and others, my life will not change.
ALTHOUGH this is related to Therapists’ suggestions to “act as if” for awhile, if a new, healthier behavior is very uncomfortable at first. The motive for actual change is necessary. In addition, spiritual advisors often suggest it when someone doubts their love for God simply because they don’t FEEL IT.
From C.S. Lewis, pp.131-132 in Mere Christianity:
“Some Christian writers use the word charity to describe not only Christian love between human beings, but also God’s love for man and man’s love for God. About the second of these two, people are often worried. They are told they ought to love God. They cannot find any such feeling in themselves. The answer is the same as before. Act as if you did. Do not sit trying to manufacture feelings. Ask yourself, ‘If I were sure that I loved God, what would I do?’ When you have found the answer go and do it.”
Are you working on just changing outside appearances?
That’s still living a lie—another disguise. It’s creating a false reality. People wear uniforms to make people believe they’re something they’re not: Rich, Macho, Hip, slick and cool, Tough as nails, Poor, Pathetic, etc. …manipulation, again. We can’t fake a new personality for too long. At some point the poop will hit the fan and we’re right back at that ‘turning point.’
…or have you fully surrendered your life (and EGO) to God (as you understand God)?
HONESTY, OPENMINDEDNESS, and WILLINGNESS
These are the requirements to enter into that new way of living on a spiritual basis. In living this new way of life, am I of maximum service to God and others, or am I concerned about how others perceive me?
BB p.77, Into Action “Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.”
SURRENDER/Relinquish
When I tried to change ME before, I did a lousy job of it. That’s why I needed these 12 Steps—alcohol was only a symptom of my problem. God can do for me what I could not do myself. I can try and try and try to become a better person, but unless the change comes from within (where God is) I still fail… it’ll be a constant struggle. Like someone who is always recovering, never recovered. It is easy to hang on to what I THINK are the GOOD things about me and what I’ve done. What WE think He should let us keep (because we worked SO HARD for that). After all, look at the wonderful progress I’ve made! From THERE to HERE. Da-ang—I’m doin’ GOOD! I can rationalize all day on that. No. Sorry. Apparently God wants all that too. We need to be willing to give to Him/Her what we value the most.
(Surrender is a military term, and a Christian term)
Everything. NOW.
Are you willing to let go of your family, job, health, kids, spouse, friends, house, location, car, paycheck, good looks, time, etc. Unless we ARE willing, we have not made a FULL SURRENDER of everything we have… it’s His stuff anyway isn’t it? Trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. Then, all Heaven breaks loose! In our daily, morning quiet time and throughout the day, the Higher Power lets us know what to do, and where to go from here. It is a difficult path to follow sometimes, but we do get strength and guidance for each day.
And that’s another topic for another day, maybe.
