Who believes that once someone comes into A.A. and attends meetings that they are now honest? Yet newcomers are often encouraged to take everyone’s word for it. There are many members of 12 Step programs who have not confessed to relapse, for various reasons. I have known about a few of them over the years who keep claiming continuous clean and sober time even when there is no doubt they have relapsed—maybe more than once. There are many others who continue in A.A. as a sober alcoholic, keep their sobriety date although it is widely know that they relapsed on illicit drugs. Other 12-step groups have members who have various clean dates off of various substances. What’s with that? That’s called rationalization and dishonesty.
Shame seems to be at the core of this issue.
Honesty can be a difficult thing when we are concerned about the result. If shame at having to change your date of sobriety is keeping you from living an honest life, you are cheating yourself and giving the people who care about you, more reason to distrust you. If you’re embarrassed to let your ‘sponsees’ know you’ve slipped, you’re jeopardizing their sobriety because you cannot transmit what you no longer have. If you dread telling your sponsor because you think he/she’ll feel bad about themselves, don’t be—no sponsor can keep anyone from drinking or using illicit drugs when they want to.
Accept that YOU are responsible for your own recovery and honesty is vital to a spiritual awakening. Let “the hand of A.A.” be there for you and jump back into the steps (especially the fourth & fifth) with a sponsor who knows the book and walks their talk. And make a commitment to work The Program (not your program) honestly!
Just a few references from the BASIC TEXT:
“…usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.” P58
…but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.” P58
“Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty.” P65
“We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world.” P73
“Unwilling to be honest with these sympathetic men, we were honest with no one else.” P73
“This is not to say that all alcoholics are honest and upright when not drinking.” P141
“For he knows he must be honest if he would live at all.” P146
And a few more from the 12 AND12:
“Only by discussing ourselves, holding back nothing, only by being willing to take advice and accept direction could we set foot on the road to straight thinking, solid honesty, and genuine humility.” P59
“All of us saw, for example, that we lacked honesty and tolerance, that we were beset at times by attacks of self-pity or delusions of personal grandeur.” P58
“When we are honest with another person, it confirms that we have been honest with ourselves and with God.” P60
“He goes on to explain that any person capable of enough willingness and honesty to try repeatedly Step Six on all his faults – without any reservations whatever – has indeed come a long way spiritually, and is therefore entitled to be called a man who is sincerely trying to grow in the image and likeness of his own Creator.” P63
“With a proper display of honesty and morality, we’d stand a better chance of getting what we really wanted.” P72
“We knew we would have to quit the deadly business of living alone with our conflicts, and in honesty confide these to God and another human being.” P108
For all those “bloggers” out there who copy and paste other bloggers material and don’t link back, give credit, or give sources — shame on you. That also not working an honest program and is unethical. 12steppers.blogspot.com is one of those, and the site does not have any contact information.
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ETC, a recovered alcoholic in Oregon—relieved of the obsessions but not cured of the allergy.
